Once upon a time, I matched with Adam; a 24-year-old bassist in a small local rock band from a suburb of London, England. In all of his pictures it was very clear he was trying to emulate Matty Healy from The 1975. Leather jacket, black clothes, half-shaved head… he had the whole façade nailed… for those of you who don’t know who Matty Healy is, I have provided a visual below. I wish I could post a picture of this guy too because they looked so much alike it was frightening.
We decided to meet at a party a mutual friend was throwing, normally I wouldn’t go to something like that alone, but the host was a childhood friend of mine so I felt comfortable enough to make it happen just once. I arrived at the part and he was in the dinning area of the small apartment and he smiled as I approached him. He introduced himself and shook my hand. We got to talking and I asked him more about where he was originally from to which he explained that the town he was from is about 45 kilometers from London so he spent a lot of his time in the city. And later, he even tried to imitate an American accent and it sounded awful.
Eventually we somehow ended up on the topic of music. Anyone who knows me well enough knows that asking me my favorite band is just going to send me into a monologue about 1970s rock vs. alternative rock today vs. bad pop music… but he honestly seemed intrigued by the whole thing, at least more so than anyone else had ever been in the past. As it turned out, we had pretty similar tastes in music and I impressed him with my eclectic favorites. We even had a 15-minute debate about who was better: The Black Keys or Kings of Lion. And soon the question I was expecting emerged:
“Do you listen to The 1975 at all?”
I admitted that I did and I could see a resemblance between him and the front-man of the band. This sent him into a tangent about how well spoken and intellectually sound Matty Healy is and how more musicians should work to impact the lives of their fans like he does.Though I agreed to an extent, I was feeling like he was a bit more enthused than most people would be… but I let it slide because, in all honesty, we we’re having a nice conversation and was actually enjoying myself (who would have thought?!).
At some point we ended up ditching the party and just walking around outside the apartment complex for 2 hours to get away from all of the noise and enjoy the fresh air and just chat about life. Overall I wouldn’t have said this “date” (if you could even call it that) was bad. He was a charming guy, very intuitive, asked me questions that really made me think, and it would have gone perfectly… had it not been for what happened next.
As he answered a question about why he wanted to learn to play bass as a kid, I noticed the charming English accent he had been using the entire night fade into nothing.
“Wait say that again?” I asked, and he knew he had been found out.
“Say what again?” He slipped back into the accent seamlessly, but I knew the truth.
“Fess up, you’re American, aren’t you?”
So he confessed, he had really grown up in a small town in New Jersey and had never even been to the U.K. before. He was just so obsessed with Matty Healy that he felt more confident if he tried to match his Manchester-raised accent along with his overall aesthetic. I was honest with him; I told him that I thought that entire idea sounded a bit idiotic and he shouldn’t try to be like someone else just because he thinks girls will like him more that way.
As much as he probably wasn’t looking for life advice and the fact that he was probably mortified from the slip up and wanted to get out of there like crazy, I told him what I thought and let him go back to his life.
So Adam, if you’re still dressing like that and faking accents, I’m a bit embarrassed for you and think you need to figure out who you are as a person. No one wants to date someone who’s so insecure in their own life that they lie about who they are. You need to create your own identity and not be so reliant on someone else’s.